breaking

I was perusing through my journal this morning and came across an interesting tidbit that I wrote back in '05. It was my first year at Regent College and I was in a particularly rough place of feeling distant from God and yet going through a lot of changes. It was such a tumultuous time that I still haven't fully come to understand everything my heart and mind was going through at that time.

Nonetheless, this was a poem I wrote in my journal and it is NOT good poetry, but like many things that I write, it is guttural, but not as artsy, stylized, or well worded as a good poem would be. I thought it was worth sharing though because it was meaningful for me at the time. I remember that day very distinctly for a couple reasons.  I was crying out to God in a very deep a distressed way and He met me that day in my bedroom in Vancouver. I remember how distinct His presence was at it entered the room and my heart. After writing in my journal and writing this brief poem, I picked up my guitar that day and began singing some songs that I knew, but then just began improvising and it was my first experience when God gave me a song instantaneously. I wish I had written it down, but the song was really just for me and God right then. I'll never forget that. On a side note, I've never written music before... so, that made it more special for me.


Here's a snip-it from my journal that day:



And the poem which I tried to put a little thought into its formatting this morning, but really... not a good poem. I know... but like I said, it was very meaningful to me at the time because I was struggling so much to see God and He was revealing to me His goodness. Three years later, He has only brought me deeper into a place of security with Him, though it is always challenged.