Friday, January 21, 2011
Samuel Taylor Coleridge on Unitarianism
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Surrender (Luke 5:5)
The truth is that I am afraid. I am afraid of submitting to Christ. I fear that I'll be asked to do something that I don't want to do... Or that I will fail to obey if I do hear.
It's not totally unfounded unfortunately. I've failed God SO many times before, I can't even count it. What's the surprise there?? I know and always knew that I was faulty, so why do I always allow the Enemy to keep my past mistakes up in my face?
He truly is the Accuser and succeeds regularly at luring me into further PRESENT disobedience in order to avoid FUTURE disobedience based on my PAST disobedience. That's not grace, it's prison and condemnation... And unfortunately, it's a comfortable prison.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Of Closets And Graves
---
Closets are told to remain closed
Hiding the clutter of a past broken
Sneakers and underwear
Unmentionables whose odors seep under the door
Ignoring them, they grow stronger
Throw them away!
Let the abyss of gyms socks
Be cast into aluminum cans
For less fortunate individuals
To dispatch to destructive marching orders
But armies of the past
Still leave corpses once dead
Ivory memories of the battles lost
Closets are told to remain closed
Hiding the clutter of old wounds.
Open wide the dusty board!
And let cemeteries regurgitate their lunch
Give skeletons to walking and breathing again
For my legacies may desire to hide,
But there is One who calls them to live.
Monday, August 04, 2008
Who Am I by Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Who am I? They often tell me
I stepped from my cell’s confinement
Am I then really all that which other men tell of?
Who am I? This or the other?
Some things that make a particularly large impact on me are the images of hands compressing my throat and the soul being like a confused army which is unaware of its victory. The choking imagery is so powerful to me because of how much I identify with feeling that very frightening sense of my life being stolen away from me without my permission from an outside force. I feel as if there have been times in my walk where I was paralyzed but not simply of my own doing but because I felt like I'd been abandoned.
The imagery of the army is so encouraging because of what Christ has placed in us, His Spirit, which we so often forget and wallow in self-pity and discouragement... despite the fact that we are not defeated, which the poem resolves to at the end.
There's much more, but just enjoy... I'd love to hear how this poem affects you.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
breaking
Nonetheless, this was a poem I wrote in my journal and it is NOT good poetry, but like many things that I write, it is guttural, but not as artsy, stylized, or well worded as a good poem would be. I thought it was worth sharing though because it was meaningful for me at the time. I remember that day very distinctly for a couple reasons. I was crying out to God in a very deep a distressed way and He met me that day in my bedroom in Vancouver. I remember how distinct His presence was at it entered the room and my heart. After writing in my journal and writing this brief poem, I picked up my guitar that day and began singing some songs that I knew, but then just began improvising and it was my first experience when God gave me a song instantaneously. I wish I had written it down, but the song was really just for me and God right then. I'll never forget that. On a side note, I've never written music before... so, that made it more special for me.
Here's a snip-it from my journal that day:
And the poem which I tried to put a little thought into its formatting this morning, but really... not a good poem. I know... but like I said, it was very meaningful to me at the time because I was struggling so much to see God and He was revealing to me His goodness. Three years later, He has only brought me deeper into a place of security with Him, though it is always challenged.
Where do I fit anymore?
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Ooo, I'll take 9 of those please
Friday, April 25, 2008
conflict and resolution
Today was an interesting day of highs and lows. I got to screw up by trying to do a good thing but in a really bad way. Yet, I also witnessed the beauty of God's faithfulness through long time friends.
For starters, my day was rather normal... did some errands, some studying, and just getting ready for my summer (and of course facebook procrastination). In the middle of that day, I ended up harshly confronting a good friend of mine about some things. Barring whether I felt right or wrong about the content of my confronting, I learned some things... that I already knew, but they are just so tough to live by when you're upset.
First, if you're hungry and tired, not a good time to confront somebody. I was so tired I could've fallen over, so I didn't confront my friend in love, I lashed out at them in anger.
Second, if you're going to confront somebody about something, I don't think that it's always the best policy to just keep waiting for the "right opportunity." That's what I've been trying to do for a while and instead of an opportunity ever presenting itself, more and more things kept piling up, until I was unable to confront well. Instead, it turned into a passive aggressive attack. I think it might be better to identify one thing at a time and create the opportunity to deal with it as soon as possible rather than waiting for that "perfect moment."
Lastly, I learned from my discussion with my friend, that it's better to ask questions than to throw accusations.
Maybe I learned more, but those are so highlights. In general though, what a harsh lesson to learn, but good. I can easily see how a married couple could have a massive blow outs if they failed to deal with things as they come. It's just so hard to find the balance between being a nag and being passive-agressive. Holding it in isn't helpful, but neither is unrestrained, unrelenting criticism. What's the balance between being patient and just plain avoidance of dealing with the problem?
So, that was the beginning of my evening. Then I got to have an awesome time with the remnant of the 4th year Regent students from when I first came out to school here in 2004. Lots of fun conversation and whatnot, but what I always love about my Regent friends whenever we get together like that is that there is a purposeful incorporation of the Lord into the evening.
After we had had dinner and spent time catching up, we came together to worship God and a tangible sense of God's presence was there with us. As we worshipped, I was just so struck by how special these times were. How blessed we all were to have such a close community of believers that were empowered by the Spirit and there to support each other. I was reminded how many of us may leave Regent and struggle to find a community that was this good. We did all that to remember God's faithfulness to us and that it's ultimately His love that is sustaining us. Awesome!
I came home and spent some time thinking and working through some things. Still feeling guilty for my treatment of my friend. I grabbed my guitar and went to some place private to worship and sing. There's this one song from Ben Paisley of 100 Portraits that is by far my most favorite worship song in the world from my favorite worship band. The lyrics...
[Verse 1]
Oh mercy fall on me, like a warm blanket, on my cold cold heart.
Clean me with your blood that turns me white on the inside.
I'm on my knees again, cause I'm breaking your heart.
[Chorus]
Put in me... what I cannot buy with gold
Put in me, oh God... come restore my broken soul
Put in me... what I cannot give myself
Put in me... a clean heart.
[Verse 2]
I know all my broken places, like the back of my hand,
That slapped your face again
Wash me with your love and hold me tight like a baby
Till I have no memory of ever breaking your heart
[Chorus]
[Bridge]
And in the joy when you restore me, I will stand and walk again
I will run into this world, I will call them to come in
But I will not point my finger or grow that wicked skin
That cannot remember what I will not forget
How I broke you... or how I'm broken.
Needless to say, it was a wonderful end to my day.