Today was an interesting day of highs and lows. I got to screw up by trying to do a good thing but in a really bad way. Yet, I also witnessed the beauty of God's faithfulness through long time friends.
For starters, my day was rather normal... did some errands, some studying, and just getting ready for my summer (and of course facebook procrastination). In the middle of that day, I ended up harshly confronting a good friend of mine about some things. Barring whether I felt right or wrong about the content of my confronting, I learned some things... that I already knew, but they are just so tough to live by when you're upset.
First, if you're hungry and tired, not a good time to confront somebody. I was so tired I could've fallen over, so I didn't confront my friend in love, I lashed out at them in anger.
Second, if you're going to confront somebody about something, I don't think that it's always the best policy to just keep waiting for the "right opportunity." That's what I've been trying to do for a while and instead of an opportunity ever presenting itself, more and more things kept piling up, until I was unable to confront well. Instead, it turned into a passive aggressive attack. I think it might be better to identify one thing at a time and create the opportunity to deal with it as soon as possible rather than waiting for that "perfect moment."
Lastly, I learned from my discussion with my friend, that it's better to ask questions than to throw accusations.
Maybe I learned more, but those are so highlights. In general though, what a harsh lesson to learn, but good. I can easily see how a married couple could have a massive blow outs if they failed to deal with things as they come. It's just so hard to find the balance between being a nag and being passive-agressive. Holding it in isn't helpful, but neither is unrestrained, unrelenting criticism. What's the balance between being patient and just plain avoidance of dealing with the problem?
So, that was the beginning of my evening. Then I got to have an awesome time with the remnant of the 4th year Regent students from when I first came out to school here in 2004. Lots of fun conversation and whatnot, but what I always love about my Regent friends whenever we get together like that is that there is a purposeful incorporation of the Lord into the evening.
After we had had dinner and spent time catching up, we came together to worship God and a tangible sense of God's presence was there with us. As we worshipped, I was just so struck by how special these times were. How blessed we all were to have such a close community of believers that were empowered by the Spirit and there to support each other. I was reminded how many of us may leave Regent and struggle to find a community that was this good. We did all that to remember God's faithfulness to us and that it's ultimately His love that is sustaining us. Awesome!
I came home and spent some time thinking and working through some things. Still feeling guilty for my treatment of my friend. I grabbed my guitar and went to some place private to worship and sing. There's this one song from Ben Paisley of 100 Portraits that is by far my most favorite worship song in the world from my favorite worship band. The lyrics...
[Verse 1]
Oh mercy fall on me, like a warm blanket, on my cold cold heart.
Clean me with your blood that turns me white on the inside.
I'm on my knees again, cause I'm breaking your heart.
[Chorus]
Put in me... what I cannot buy with gold
Put in me, oh God... come restore my broken soul
Put in me... what I cannot give myself
Put in me... a clean heart.
[Verse 2]
I know all my broken places, like the back of my hand,
That slapped your face again
Wash me with your love and hold me tight like a baby
Till I have no memory of ever breaking your heart
[Chorus]
[Bridge]
And in the joy when you restore me, I will stand and walk again
I will run into this world, I will call them to come in
But I will not point my finger or grow that wicked skin
That cannot remember what I will not forget
How I broke you... or how I'm broken.
Needless to say, it was a wonderful end to my day.
1 comment:
Well Alex,
I have done that too(harshly criticized others)--epsecially those closest to me. I have also been the victim of the many things piled up being addressed all at once. Unfortunately, the relationships ended badly.
We often forget the conflict resolution techniques we learned when we are angry. I pray that God's spirit will help us to remember the principle of a loving rebuke during times like that.
I love & miss you. It was great having you here.
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